


Before you go

by Jijatsukodo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Freeform, Hospitals, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I didn't even read this because it hurts me, KageHina - Freeform, Love Confessions, M/M, SADSADSADSADSAD, Sickness, Sorry Not Sorry, You Have Been Warned, angst with fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:55:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27824125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jijatsukodo/pseuds/Jijatsukodo
Summary: Is there more I can loose in this world? Note: the story is from kageyama's point of view
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 4





	Before you go

My mom used to tell me that "One day when you grow up, you will have a dream. It won't be the kind of dream you see everynight, this dream will show you the person that would replace all your worries and become your happines. You should treasure that person and be careful not to loose him becouse you will become each others world."

I liked to listen to her stories, my favourite one was about how she met dad on a rainy day,she was my world. My world that greeted me everyday from school, baked my favourite cookies the way no one could, her hugs full of warmth that were the only place where I could feel at ease, the way she was with me everymoment after dad died and I couldn't find my place.

And now I'm here.

I can't feel her warmth anymore.

The only thing coming from her it's only cold.

She's not here anymore.

The rain was continously pouring on her grave while I stayed in front of her. "Are you crying mom? Don't. You should be happy. You finnaly can see dad again. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay and meet my world...sometime soon, You know, today I dreamed about a boy. His eyes were sparkling with joi and his hair was just like a mandarine pff-- I think he doesn't know me but in my dream he said Don't worry I'll be your world so you don't cry ever again! Then he hugged me with the same warmth you were...

I miss you.

Every day more than yesterday.

You still are my world and it's hard to keep on liviing when you're note here with me anymore. Tomorrow i have a voleyball match I hope you and dad will watch me play.

-Kageyamaaa

This dream again.

-How u doing?

This bright smile of his.

-You know tomorrow we're going to meet I propably won't know you in the real world, but if we are destined to be each others world we'd surely get to know each other!

He hugged me again.

-Don't cry. I'd make you love so much that you won't think of anythind else than me.

pi-pi-pi

The alarm.

I don't think I've hated it this much. Today's the match. Would he remember me, propably not, or would the real him hate me? Would he even come??

"Agghh!"

Why do I even care, am I this desperate to meet him that I lost all my senses.

Fuck.

I think I might like him.

Here I am at the stadium, uncousciously I started to look al over the stadium hoping that I can meet his eyes.

Maybe I shouldn't search for him.

Or what if he isn't even he---

"Sorry, sorry I wa---

The king?"

Something small bumped into me. This eyes full of joy, and this hair just like a mandarine... It was him. I met him.

"Don't call me like that."

"Why aren't you the king of the playground?"

"Ugh. Shut it if you don't know what're you talking about!"

"Wahh s-s-scary"

"Kageyama-kun, come here for a minute!"

It was my teammate.

"See you on yhe other side of the net."

As I went forward the two of us got to our teams and prepared for the match. The match with him.

The match ended. And just like it always happen I Think there's only me in the team. anyway after all we still got to win the first match. Honestly Hinata's face looked so funny when he lost.

"Kageyama!"

"Huh, You again?"

"We didn't stop here. Next match I promise I would win you, and I'll be just like the litlle giant!"

"Then, see you in the next match, hinata-kun."

Litlle giany, huh...

So is he going to karasuno?

*After some time Karsuno's high school voleyball club*

"Huh Kageyama?"

"Mandarine like hair guy, so we meet again."

"You weren't supossed to be on the same team as me, I still need to win you in a voleyball match, and don't call me that!"

"Guess it's fate)"

"Miss me with that bullshit of yours!"

"And what are you going to do, bite me?"

"Agh, Baka Kageyama Baka!"

After finally getting to join the voleyball club we played a lot of matches together. We got more close and now we're like the most powerfull weapon our team has. Loosing to Aobo Johsai made us feel really down, honestly I was nearly to leave the voleyball club. Hinata comforted me we both went to eat some ramen and then practiced some voleyball, I'm glad that he was with me at that moment. We prepared together for the match with Shiratorizawa and improved a lot, I'm so glad that we won that match, together. We practiced a lot with the over teams at the tarining camp and that was a lot of fun. That's cool and all but the I've wanted the most not to happen, actually happened.

(Authors note: Gomen guys, if of course someone would read this, I know I skipped a lot of important things but my mind can't think about how to write all this so you don't get bored reading it so I hope you don't mind it and forgive me)

I've fallen for Hinata.

I'm afraid I can loose him just like I lost my mom and dad, but still I can't help with falling for him every day more and more. I like to look how he gives his all when playing matches and how he continues to play no matter how exhausted he is. The way he smiles when he gets to score a point or to block someone... Every single thing, every single one he does, makes me fall for him to the point that my heart flluters when I think of him but throb at the same time...

I'm scared.

What if I'llnever get to confess my feeling to him, what if even if I do this hhe'd reject me because I'm a guy, or even if everytnig goes just okay but something bad will eventually happen. What if--

"Kageyama?"

"Uh, Hinata I thought you were going home."

"Well, I was but..."

Is it the cold outside or is he blushing?

"My bicycle broke."

"You serious now???"

"Completely, and I lost my last train."

"Stupid, and are you going to do now?"

"My parents said they don't mind if I'd go overnight to someone of my friends, and we don't have to go to school tomorrow so...

KAGEYAMA, PLEASE LET ME STAY AT YOUR PLACE!"

"Wh-, why would you ask me in the first place."

"Just becouse."

"Agh,baka!"

I walked forward and made him a sign to go after me.

"Wepee!"

Maybe today I should confess to him I've never feared so much when someaone came to my house, usually I don't really care, but this time is hinata... and It's going to be only two of us.

"Kageyama, I noticed this and earlier but you're kinda upset these days."

"I am not."

he hugged me.

this warmth.

It's the same/

like on a reflex my tears starded to flow from my eyes going down to my cheeks/

"Kageyama, stop telling me you're okay when you obiously aren't i know I can't replace you dad nor mom, you know actually my bicycle is just okay, and there was another train I couls go to, but I lied, I lied to you Kageyama, I lied becouse.... b-becouse I-i Like you Kageyam!, I want to be your world so you don't ever remember the sad thing that happened to you. It hurts when I see you crying and I want to be the only person that can give you the happines and the warmt you need amd miss so much, so please stop telling me you're okay!"

"I-i lik-ke you t-too Hinata."

even though I wanted to scream this words out loud my voice was almost like a whisper.

"Kageyama, are you shy?"

"Shut it!"

this time I said it ou loud.

"Hinata, please llet me be your world!"

"Idiot, I'd eventually make you my world even if you don't want to."

His smile, like a wind, his warm smile blowed down all my tears. This was the moment when, I realised that we're meant to be with with each other. 

"Kageyama, you know, I've always wanted to ask you."

"What is it?"

"Can I visit you mom's funeral with you?"

"Why would you want to do this?"

"Becouse I want to see her, and promise her that I would take care of you, no matter what we go through."

"Idiot, do you even know how much I like you? Don't make me fall for you to the point that I won't ever let you go."

"Say that again."

"What, no, you know I an get shy too!"

"Then I won't believe you."

"wha--, you're so persistent... I like you Hinata!"

"Kageyama... Can I kiss you?"

"Wha--, were you always like this?'

"Guess it's your fault for making me like this."

without telling me anything else he pulled me into a warm kiss.

"Are you akay with this?"

"With what?"

"I'm a guy after all."

"I like you Kageyama, and I don't really care if you're a guy or a girl I will always like you!"

"Idiot..."

"Your idiot he-he"

Like this we talked for some time, the way to my house never felt this happy before. After we got home we drank a cup of hot chocolate while watching a movie, the sound of the raindrops falling down the window sill were getting louder but after some time they quieted down leaving the silent to go all over the room, I looked at Hinata to see ih he was asleep or not, and I found him sleeping whike hugging my tors. I was happy, happy becouse I've finally found my treasure, my world and the only person that would always be with me, finally i was feeling at ease.

Tomorrow we're going to visit my mom's funeral. You heard this mom? I'm not going to be alone anymore, I have noe my own litlle ball of happines and warmth.

"Kageyama are you okay?"

"Yeah fine let's get going."

We're heading to my mom's funeral.Honestly I don't even know what to say, I never visited my mom's funeral with someone, it always feels so empty going all the road alone and then just sit in front of her crying becouse you can't do anything to bring her back, this emptiness was slowly killing me, I knew she's going to die one day but I've never thought how painfull is it going to be.

"Hinata, you know, all this time there was no one who'd go with me to my mom's funeral, I've always went here alone, and everyday I was coming to her the raindrops felt so heavy that I wasn't able to breath, this pain was dollowing me everywhere I went so I'm glad that today I don't even feel the raindrops, becouse you're here with me mandarine."

He stared at me for a second, then from his eyes one by one were flowing tears, he smiled while crying.

"Kageyama you should not care about anything from now on!"

He grabbed my hands.

"It hurts me that you've been in so much pain, while I sitted near you not knowing what were the best words that I could say to you so you feel better, how foolish of me crying right now though I said that you're going to feel only happines while you're with me, let the raindrops take your pain away."

He took my hand and placed to his heart.

"This is the heartbeat of the person that lives for you, remember it, and don't you ever make it beat for someone else, I-I'm your number one blocker for the pain, every pain that dares to come to you will be eventually blocked by me!"

"Phahaha"

"You smiled, it means I've made it, I made you smile Kageyama!"

"Pfft, you're an idiot"

I grabbed his hand and pulled him to me, while sitting under the cold rain our lips were dancing in a warm kiss, it felt like the whole world stopped for us.

"Uhm, miss Kageyama, I don't think you know me so, I'm Hinata Shoyo, and currently I'm your son's world he-he, when I saw him for the first time i've felt a strange feeling in my heart, like it was telling me that we should have meet, In front of you, with the hand on my heart, I swear that your son is never ever going to cry again, his tears is just a waste of water from his organism, but yours and my love to him is what keeps him alive that means that together or not we should make his pretty smile appear on his face thousand times a day, this pain he is feeling would be replaced with me, I would be his world today, tomorrow and a hundred years later, and nothing would make me leave him."

He's so precious. I quietly came to him and hugged him from the back.

"Mom, I love him."

"Kageyamaa!"

"What's it?

"You shouldn't say things like this so unexpedectly!"

"What stops me I love you so I can say it a thousand times more I love you I love you I lov--"

"Kay, kay I get it, Kageyama.."

"What's it?

"Your hand in marriage please."

"Wha--, what're even talking about!"

"Now you see how it feels"

"I've never said I don't like the idea though."

"Mandarine, would you like to come to my house so we can watch a movie while laying in each others hugs?"

I land him my hand and he grabed it at the same moment.

"Only if you will let me steal your kiss."

"Will do."

As our hand were tied together we went forward to my house. 

Today's one year from when we started dating. Every month we go to my mom's funeral and tell her about what happened and waht changed in opur lifes. Becouse we have exams and practicing we agreed that we are going to meet in the sunday and this become the day I like the most, every sunday we spend together has their own memory that i treasure vey much, I can loose all my memories I made till now but these ones are my precious one. 

"Kageyama! look what i've made!"

He held a dandelion crown in his hands. Carrefuly he placed it on my head.

"This one is for my king!"

Then he grabbed a dandelion and wrapped it around my finger.

"And this one is for my husband."

"Unfortunately I have nothing to give for my mandarine."

"As long as you're with me, my only greed will become your love, as long as my heartbeat gets faster as I look at you I won't need anything in this world."

I putted him on my lap and hugged him tightly it felt like I'm going to kill him but I didn't want to let go, at that moment it felt like this is our last day together and I wanted to hold on to him like torrow's the end of the world,

"kageyama, why are you crying?"

"I'ts just so hard to believe that in just a minute everytnig can be gone, your warmth would eventually turn into cold, I'm scared that I can loose you, fate is unpredictable, and sometimes it likes to play jokes with us.."

"Don't think of that, think of me, of my smile, of the fact that we both of us are here, together, no matter what the fate puts us through, we'll be each others world, even if fate breals us apart."

My tears wouldn't stop flowing, my heart was beating so fast and my brething got heavy, while holding onto hinata, my heart was fluttering and throbing at the same time, he's here... he's still here.

"Kageyama."

A dream?

"You remembre you said something about fate? It was on a sunday, that day I made you my husband, at that moment I didn't thing you're right kageyama cuz you're always wrong, remember when you decided to sleep at the balcony so we can see the stars, I told you that it wasn't a good idea but you insisted on it so I just went with you, next day you caught a cold and you behaved just like a child.... But this time you're right and I hate it."

No a nightmare.

"At this point I need to leave you.."

He gave a kiss on my forehead and walked forward to a light, he stopped halfway and looked at me, he's teary eyes were looking at me with sadness but he was smiling, so bright he was blinding me, so why, why is this smile leaving me, not you, not again, I need you...

I woke up, what time is it tonight? the third, the third fuckin time I dream about hinata leaving me, the fact that he is not with me scares me even more. It's 3 am. Would he respond? But what if he's not okay, I need to know. I'll text him a message.

Kageyama:[ Hinata, you sleeping? ] 03:15 AM

Hinata:[ Nightmare again? ] 03:17 AM

Kageyama:[ Yeah...] 03:17 AM

Kageyama:[ Are you getting enough sleep? You don't have any headaches, do you? I hope you eat well.. ] 03:17 AM

Kageyama:[ Please don't leave me.. ] 03:18 AM

Hinata:[ Everything is just okay Kageyama don't worry, I'm just fine. ] 03:18 AM

Hinata: [Do you want me to come over?] 03:18 AM

Kageyama:[ Don't push yourself I'll be okay ] 03:19 AM

Hinata:[ Like I'd believe you! ] 03:19 AM

Kageyama:[ You really don't need to come over ] 03:19 AM

Kageyama:[ Hinata!!] 03:23 AM

Kageyama:[ Like you'd listen...] 03:23 AM

Hinata: [ Your king is waiting for you, come get me your highness ] 03:55 AM

Kageyama: [ I knew you won't listen.. ] 03:55 AM

He was waiting for me in my court. It was obviously that he ran

(authors note: don't ask how da fuk he got here so fast cuz i donn't know just let it beee, it's the power of love)))

"Your mandarine it's at your services my sir."

"You're so stupid Hinata!"

He hugged me, like he was trying to say that he's still here, and his heart still beats for me.

"I'm like this becouse of you, you make my heart flutter every time I see you, but you know I was thinking ehat if we move together?"

"Are you okay with living in the same house as me?"

"If it's you I'd go to the end of the world!"

"Then let my house become Our house."

I took him in my hands and we went to my bed.

"It's time for my mandarine to sleep now, no more going out for today."

I give him a kiss on his forehead and wrapped my hands around him I don't want to loose him, fate will put us through a lot but I'll stay with him. Even though I know he's meant to be mine, I can't keep him close, though I'm holding him into my arms now, it feels like he's not here, even though I tried to do my best not to make him cry I know he is going to cry, the time will come, the warmth that our bodies share will become a painfull cold, and I won't be able to do anything, Mom? is this how you felt when you left me alone? I don't know what to do.

I have leukemia.

We have 5 years left.

"Morning, mandarine!"

"Is it morning? no I refuse to believe this, let me sleep for five more minutes, I need my beauty sleep."

"Can my mandarine be more cute?"

"Of course I can, I can be the Mona-Lisa for my king."

"Then, I need my mandarine come and give me a hug, it's so cold I think I'm dying."

"What! No you can't!"

He jumped on me and hugged me tighthly.

"Calm down I was kidding."

"What wasn't funny at all Bakagayama!"

His eyes were teary. I didn't want it to happen. What the frick did I do!

"Sorry, I was stupid, don't cry mandarine, please, It really hurts, I don't want to see you cry, not in our last 5 years left!"

We holded into each others, the only sound you could hear in that dead silence were our hearts beating near to each other. 

"Today's sunday you know?"

"Yeah, right."

He got onto his legs, then kneeled doen to me.

"Can I ask my king to go on a date with me?"

"Is there a point in asking? So where?"

"To the rooftop."

"Want to jump?'

"What, no, I want to see which stars shine the brightest, the one that has the universe or mine."

His smile that once was like the brightest than the sun for me now it's full of pain. I know he's doing all of this for me, I know that beyond his smile he regrets a lot of things that he doesn't want to tell me, and this hurts me.

"Come here."

I made him a sign to come into my hug, this small gesture, that for someone means nothing while for someone it's like weapon, made all his emotions that he was hiding inside him come out all at once, with teary eyes he jumped into my hug and starded to cry more and more.

"Don't worry, It's not your fault, I can't say evrythings gonna be fine becouse I know it won't, but for now please don't hide anything from me, mandarine."

"I don't want to loose you bakayama."

"I don't either, but guess your king needs to leave his throne for now."

"I knew it bakayama!"

"What?"

"You're definetely brighter than all the stars in the universe."

"That's because I have whom to shine for."

"Would you be my special star even if you won't be here for me?"

"Definetely I'll be, because I am the only one who can shine for you."

He grabbed my hand.

"Isn't it funny?

"What you mean?

"Fate. While someone are living their happiest moments right now we are afraid to see the night becouse we know we are by a day close to the time we break apart. Even though I want to keep you close it feels like you're slowly slipping through my fingers, and I can't do anything to stop you."

"Yes, it definetely is, but I'm glad that the person I'm going to spend my last second with you hinata."

"Say kageyama, if this would be your last day, what would be your last wish?"

"I want to wear your dandelion crown again."

As I said this he started to cry and hugged me.

"It hurts kageyama."

"I know."

We moved to live together, and everyday we created a memory and the best ones we wrote on a paper and put in a box, it was hinata's idea, so he doesn't ever forgets our best times. We spend our last New Year together, every summer Hinata would make me a dandelion crown and a ring. Like this 5 years passed like it was nothing and I never knew counting days could be so hard.

It's cold. So cold. Am I freezing? Is Hinata here? He's here. I can still see him. The ambulance what are they doing here? Is Hinata feeling bad? No he would wake me eventually. Am I dying? No. I can't die. Not yet. Please. Please keep on beating heart I want to see him again. I don't want to die like this.

"Morning, Kageyama, you've been asleep for three days, the fact that your heart still keeps beating keeps me at ease, I hope that you will wake up soon, I still have a lot to say to you."

"M-andar-rine?"

"Kageyama!you're awake, don't scare me like that, I thought you're never going to wake up anymore I-i-i I love you kageyama stay with me for some more time."

"I ne-ve-r sa-id I am go-ing to lea-ve y-ou."

"Idiot, you are big big idiot!"

We both started to cry like childs, tears were continously pouring out of our eyes till they got swollen.While I was uncouscious I couldn't feel anything, so when he hugged me his warmth overflowed in my veins, it hurts when I remember that soon I won't feel his warmth anymore.

"M-mand-rine y-ou k-know I fo-ound my ki-ng rig-ght? You appe-red li-ke t-he s-un in the st-orm, and li-ke a wi-nd on a hot day y-ou sw-wept all my p-pain awa-y"

"Kageyama, son't push yourself you should rest for now, I love you and I'll say this words just like you were telling them to your mom, I'll say those words again and again so you don't forget them no matter what!"

"I-is t-the ra-in go-nna fe-el he-eavy with-out me?"

"Yes, definetely, It would slowly kill me when you won't be here and your heart would stop beating for me, for now please rest and stay alive, for me, please, a bit more..."

It's been three weeks from when I was putted in a come, my condition got better but it's still critical, the doctors said I have one month left, one damn month, I don't what's gonna kill me faster hinata not being here or me freezing out without him...

"Kageyama! look whom I took."

Hinata came. There was daichi, sugawara, asahi, tanaka, nishinoya, yamaguchi and tsukishima with him.

"Guys, you all came here for me, I'm so glad."

I could see how they were extremely hard trying not to cry. 

Sugawara: Never thought the healtiest one of us would stay now in a coma.

Nishinoya: Yeah kageyama you were supposed to play with us some more matches.

"Guys I'm sorry, there were a lot of things I steel needed to do, you don't know how much I'd like to play some voleyball again, being stuck onto the bed really sucks."

I was so glad to see them all in my last days, we talked about a lot and for a moment I forgot that there is a ilness behind me that is slowly killing me.

It's raining.

"Mandarine?"

"Huh?"

"I found it."

"You found what."

"I found the happines in all this pain. It's you mandarine. You are my small ball of warmth and happines. Give me your hand please."

As he held out his hand to me I grabbed it.

"Kageyama you're too cold!"

"Don't mind it."

I put his hand on my chest.

"Please listen to my last heartbeats, because now they beat only for you, I'm leaving Hinata, even though I want to hold you into my hands forever I need to leave you. I'm sorry."

"Kageyama no wait I'll call the nurses right now, please hold on a litlle lomger!"

"There's no point in it, I'm dying Mandarine, it hurts so much that I can't hold onto you anymore."

"Before you go Kageyama, was there something I didn't do right?"

"You didn't gave me a dandelion crown at my last minutes."

"Wah what a idiot I am I absolutely forgot."

"The-re wa-sn't any-thin-g y-ou di-dn't do. I lo-ve yo-u ma-nda-ri-ne."

"NOOO! Kageyama please let me talk to you a bit more, I don't want to let go of you, please kageyama!"

"I-is th-e rai-n he-avy?"

"Yeah it's pressuring me to the point I can fall right now, so please don't leave I can't take it, I-i i Love you bakayama! please say something more, don't leave me... not yet..."

(the story is going to be from hinata's view becouse... I think you know why :( )

It's late. It's fucking too late now. He's not here anymore. He's so cold. I can't. I can't feel his heartbeat. I need to call the nurses but I don't want to, they will take my king away, I know you're not here anymore but let me say my last words to you, I didn't want to tell you this but I actually have FFI, I have 2 months left, so you need to wait for me and give you that dandelion crown.

"You know you always were higher than me. Guess now you're on your highest."

My king left his throne. But I am going to reach for him soon.

I love you bakayama.

The end.


End file.
